The Musings of Kris the Bard – Political Systems

Communism fails because, while the concept of everyone being equal is fine in theory, it’s impossible in practice. A few get rich. Most stay poor.

Capitalism fails because it is dependent on growth for growth’s sake. The planet cannot survive it. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. There are more rich people than under communism but the poor are even poorer and the gap is ever growing.

Socialism fails because it’s neither one thing nor the other and depends on governments to own and run things. Everyone knows that governments can’t be trusted to run things. Bureaucrats get rich, while the people struggle with ever increasing prices on fixed incomes.

Dictatorship works for a while. People are kept in their places by terror. All dictators must fail eventually, when enough people are prepared to stand up and die for freedom. (Has there ever been a female dictator? Catherine the Great perhaps?)

A communist, a capitalist, and a socialist walk into a bar – there’s no dictatorist because alcohol is banned in his country. The communist expects drinks on the house; the socialist expects them each to pay for a round at reasonable state-controlled prices; the capitalist owns the bar, gets his round in first for free, and puts the prices up for the next two rounds to compensate. The communist thinks the barman gets free drinks; the socialist buys the barman a drink; the capitalist docks the barman’s pay for drinking on duty. On Friday nights they have topless waitresses. The socialist is aghast at the inherent misogyny and immediately organises a picket line; the communist has never seen such a spectacle before and invites all his friends; the capitalist just likes big tits.

The moral of this story – there’s little difference between capitalism and communism where tits are concerned, except that drinks are 20% more expensive on Friday nights.